Question 1: "Have you been an artist your whole life?"
To ask an artist if they've been an artist their whole life is like asking a butterfly if they've been a butterfly their whole life. Is a caterpillar merely just a butterfly on its way to its final form or is it not a butterfly at all?
Perhaps you could answer this for me.
If you ask me, I have always been an artist in the process of finding his final form. I have been expressing myself since the great age of 0. Whether that be through the vomit chunks on my bib or the tears on my dinner plate from the unlawful taste of spinach, I've been expressing my frustrations with life through visual representation since I came out of my mother's hoohah. Did I know I was an artist at five years old when I strayed from my teacher's instructions and drew Rudolph on the back side of the Christmas card instead of the front?
Not at all!
If you think about it, we all partake in that rebellious act; that need to abstractly express something that's deemed irregular by the social norms we’re exposed to in our daily life. We have thoughts to express and we are always constantly searching for different ways to express it. Whether it be through painting, dancing, story telling, singing, drawing, speaking, film making, laughing, gardening, cooking, exercise, or photography, we are all artists. We always have been.
The real question is:
When and how did you discover you were an artist?
For some it doesn't take much time to discover who they are and what they need to share with the world. I, on the other hand, unvoluntarily took my ole sweet time. I didn't discover I was an artist until last year. That's right, I didn't know I had a story to tell until I was 23. I know, I know.... For those that may personally know me that doesn’t seem accurate. How can I blantantly retract myself as an artist and disregard my career for the past half decade?
Though I've been consistently practicing and creating art for 7 years now, I was never fully ready to share my story. I was too busy focusing on sharing the stories of others - stories deemed relevant and intriguing by the cyber society of instagram, google, and facebook. I was chasing ideas that I couldn't call my own.
Maybe this was due to the lack of self acceptance or perhaps it was because I always felt as if I was unworthy of an interesting story. I'm still trying to answer this question. It wasn't until I was a grown ass adult that I realized I do have a unique story to share. After eight years of constant battles, I discovered that I am, in fact, significant.
When I hear the question, have you been an artist your whole life? I find myself rephrasing the question;
How? How did I find myself as an artist? How did self expression evolve into a foundation for self acceptance?
The honest truth is my artistry is more than just my creations; it has become my whole being. It's finding myself through my internal sufferings; the guilt, the constant struggle of not being good enough, and that constant feeling of self doubt.
So what is my art really about?
A lot of people often ask this question and I usually stumble over my words producing a load of gibberish. This time, as I explain, I want to take time to truly answer this properly. I could tell you my art is about finding light in darkness - an expression of struggling with self value while also finding beauty during my darkest forms. BUT it is so much more complex than that.
This blog serves to be more than just a telling for my inspirations. It is an opportunity to connect, inspire, and help you find your artistic voice. It’s a chance for me to explain how I’ve turned my insecurities into opportunities to express & connect with others. I’ve been where you’ve been and I know what it feels to be discouraged, alone, different, even suicidal. From my sexual orientation to my neglected inherited culture, I too, have struggled with finding self value.
This blog is oddly not about my art. It is about how I found my voice - a journey across a nation to discover self value, happiness, and passion. Simple things that are difficult to find for so many privileged people.
I promise to share my tips in fashion, lifestyle, and artistry, but take them with a grain of salt. I have come so far, but I have yet to learn how to be the very best version of myself.
Please join me as share with you how I slowly crawled out of the darkest depths of my depression, spontaneously moved across the nation, and came to love myself as a gay, Asian American in a white conservative community.
I hope to leave you inspired, motivated, and steps closer to finding your true self worth. Sometimes life can be a long, treacherous journey, but I promise you will one day find happiness within yourself.
Peace, love & hugs.